Good For You
Editorial, The Telegram, St. John's NL
"I think it's really great that you are down here just like everyone else. I'm very impressed. It must have taken a lot for you to get down here."
This was a comment uttered to me recently on a Saturday night at one of the local pubs in St. John's. No, it wasn't a lame pick-up line. It was a stranger's awkward attempt to make conversation with your's truly.
While I'm sure she was genuine and her words not mean spirited, the topic of conversation struck me as a little annoying if not idiotic. However, I also knew instantly why she chose these words.
I am a healthy, outgoing and have to say not that bad looking young man. I work full time, enjoy staying in shape at the gym and yes, like most people of my generation, enjoy burning off a little steam on the weekend at the local hangout. I also live with a disability requiring the use of leg braces and crutches.
It was my physical identity that propelled the young lady to abruptly approach me and share her admiration and joy that I managed to overcome all the barriers of this world. She obviously marvelled at my inner strength, confidence, perseverance and determination to make my way downtown. She was in awe of the personal triumph I displayed as I sat on a bar stool and uttered those victorious words, "Can I have a beer?"
What struck me about this incident was someone felt it necessary to approach me and point out how wonderful it was to see me socializing in the face of my disability. While I know the words were meant as a compliment they also echoed a resounding "you are different" in my ears. Think about it. I'm sure there was not another person on George Street who the young woman would
approach and say how impressed she was that the individual managed to find their way down to the area. Unless of course they were the village idiot.
In this day and age of political correctness and mass sensitivity training - the one thing we can't seem to move away from in our society is difference. No matter how "integrated" we become or how much we promote "tolerance" the human nature compels us to still categorize people and treat them according to that category.
It does not impress me when someone compliments me for doing something that any individual in any walk of life can do. Such a common action as visiting a local pub does not require a ticker tape parade. Instead it should be met with an "unenthusiastic normalness". That's where true integration and belonging is achieved. If this girl had struck up a conversation about the weather, the music, hell, even my ugly shirt, so much more would have been accomplished. My disability would not have entered my mind. Though, a change in clothing might have. Instead by applauding my difference she emphasized it and made me feel separate than all the "other guys" who managed "to find their way" down to George Street.
This young woman in her genuine attempt to encourage actually discouraged. She proved she did view me differently than every other person in the bar. I did nothing courageous or admirable by walking into a bar and ordering a drink. It did not warrant admiration. Applauding someone for doing something that you personally didn't think they could or should do is not about them. It is about you.
I strongly believe that those who overcome great challenges or make great achievements should be admired. However, that admiration should be warranted on merit not something as trivial as physical circumstance. After all, Beethoven is remembered for his music, not his deafness. Terry Fox is remembered for his marathon, not his prosthetic. Roosevelt is remembered for being a great president, not for his wheelchair. These men are heroes. Not because they had a disability but because of the extraordinary accomplishments they made in their lives.
Going to a bar is not an extraordinary accomplishment and should not be treated as one. A congratulatory remark for doing the simplest of tasks is not a compliment. It is an affirmation that the person giving the "compliment" underestimated your capabilities from the beginning.
Sometimes silence speaks volumes.
This was a comment uttered to me recently on a Saturday night at one of the local pubs in St. John's. No, it wasn't a lame pick-up line. It was a stranger's awkward attempt to make conversation with your's truly.
While I'm sure she was genuine and her words not mean spirited, the topic of conversation struck me as a little annoying if not idiotic. However, I also knew instantly why she chose these words.
I am a healthy, outgoing and have to say not that bad looking young man. I work full time, enjoy staying in shape at the gym and yes, like most people of my generation, enjoy burning off a little steam on the weekend at the local hangout. I also live with a disability requiring the use of leg braces and crutches.
It was my physical identity that propelled the young lady to abruptly approach me and share her admiration and joy that I managed to overcome all the barriers of this world. She obviously marvelled at my inner strength, confidence, perseverance and determination to make my way downtown. She was in awe of the personal triumph I displayed as I sat on a bar stool and uttered those victorious words, "Can I have a beer?"
What struck me about this incident was someone felt it necessary to approach me and point out how wonderful it was to see me socializing in the face of my disability. While I know the words were meant as a compliment they also echoed a resounding "you are different" in my ears. Think about it. I'm sure there was not another person on George Street who the young woman would
approach and say how impressed she was that the individual managed to find their way down to the area. Unless of course they were the village idiot.
In this day and age of political correctness and mass sensitivity training - the one thing we can't seem to move away from in our society is difference. No matter how "integrated" we become or how much we promote "tolerance" the human nature compels us to still categorize people and treat them according to that category.
It does not impress me when someone compliments me for doing something that any individual in any walk of life can do. Such a common action as visiting a local pub does not require a ticker tape parade. Instead it should be met with an "unenthusiastic normalness". That's where true integration and belonging is achieved. If this girl had struck up a conversation about the weather, the music, hell, even my ugly shirt, so much more would have been accomplished. My disability would not have entered my mind. Though, a change in clothing might have. Instead by applauding my difference she emphasized it and made me feel separate than all the "other guys" who managed "to find their way" down to George Street.
This young woman in her genuine attempt to encourage actually discouraged. She proved she did view me differently than every other person in the bar. I did nothing courageous or admirable by walking into a bar and ordering a drink. It did not warrant admiration. Applauding someone for doing something that you personally didn't think they could or should do is not about them. It is about you.
I strongly believe that those who overcome great challenges or make great achievements should be admired. However, that admiration should be warranted on merit not something as trivial as physical circumstance. After all, Beethoven is remembered for his music, not his deafness. Terry Fox is remembered for his marathon, not his prosthetic. Roosevelt is remembered for being a great president, not for his wheelchair. These men are heroes. Not because they had a disability but because of the extraordinary accomplishments they made in their lives.
Going to a bar is not an extraordinary accomplishment and should not be treated as one. A congratulatory remark for doing the simplest of tasks is not a compliment. It is an affirmation that the person giving the "compliment" underestimated your capabilities from the beginning.
Sometimes silence speaks volumes.